Very Superstitious
By Corey Janoff | September 28 2009
Sports is probably the only thing in the world where you are considered “passionate” for doing things that would normally make your loved ones get you evaluated and send you to the loony bin. Painting your body and going to a game in below-freezing temperatures with no shirt. Eating the same thing every week before/during the game. Everyone has their lucky ritual that makes their team perform better. Maybe if you dress like Greenman (right) your team will have success (didn’t work for UCLA vs USC last December). These acts and rituals are some of the many things that make sports so thrilling.
I’ll admit, I am a superstitious individual when it comes to sports. When I played lacrosse, I would always have two 32-ounce Gatorade bottles in my bag and would rinse my mouth-guard out with my water jug right before the start of each half. In basketball, I would wear the same sleeveless shirt under my jersey for every game. However, I think I am even more superstitious when it comes to watching sports.
I have tried everything over the years to will my teams to victory. I have tried different combinations of outfits. The key is to find the correct combination for the proper game conditions. I have yet to master the outfit-to-game combos to ensure victory for each and every game I watch, but one day I’ll get there. One year, wearing my Westbrook jersey over a long sleeve shirt and Eagles pajama bottoms did well during games in which the temperature outisde my house was below 40 degrees. However, if it rained, that would throw off the outfit equilibrium and, therefore, the Eagles would lose.
I have tried different seating arrangements. This is probably the easiest one to experiment with. The more people you are watching with, the more complicated it can get, because there are an exponentially greater number of seating combinations for each additional person added. Generally, when my family and I watch Eagles games, we don’t invite anybody else over (because there aren’t any Eagles fans in Oregon, and we would rather be miserable in peace).
We generally all start watching on the upstairs TV (because it’s bigger), but if the Birds aren’t performing well, we will switch up the couch positions, or migrate to the downstairs. Sometimes the Eagles do better when one of us is downstairs, and my mom is in another room, not watching the game. However, we haven’t been able to identify the right combo of seating for each type of game scenario.
Depending on the game, the seating arrangements need to be changed by quarter, or even by possession. For example, when the Eagles are on offense I need to sit in a different way than I do for when they are on defense. This is a crucial tip for all you superstitious sports fans out there. You can thank me later.
I have even tried watching in different locations. For the Eagles this has been the least successful attempt. For the Phillies, however, I found that if I watch the entire postseason on the television in the lobby of the UniLodge across the street from Melbourne University in Melbourne, Australia, the Phillies win the World Series. We’ll see if they can pull off another title while I am in America. If not, I may have to go to Australia again in 2010.
After some limited experimentation this year, my dad and I believe we have found the secret to guaranteeing success for the Eagles: Play golf on Sundays.
This Sunday ritual started in week one, when we decided we would rather play golf than be miserable watching the Panthers destroy the Birds with their dual-headed running attack. So we hit the links and the Eagles won big, 38-10.
The following week, my dad was on call and couldn’t play golf, so we went to a local restaurant/bar to watch the game, since it wasn’t on TV in the northwest. Needless to say, they got worked by Drew Brees and the Saints.
Clearly we’re never going to that venue again (I will leave the name out so they don’t sue me for defamation). We decided, since golf worked last week, let’s try it again. We did and the Chiefs experienced the wrath of the Eagles, powered by our Sunday golf ritual.
Yes, I know. You’re probably thinking, Corey, how can you call yourself a fan and not even watch the games?
Trust me, it’s difficult. I am constantly checking my phone for updates on the course. But I believe this is the ultimate demonstration of fandomship. I am sacrificing my own viewing pleasure for the good of the team.
Whenever a team wins a championship, they always thank the fans. “We never could’ve done it without these great fans.”
The fans have a responsibility and a duty to do their part and will their team to victory. Whatever it takes. And each fan has their own calling. Some fans need to bring their tailgate vehicle and grill sausages before every game. Others need to paint their faces and hold up signs in the stands. Some need to sit in a chair in their living room with a beer in one hand and a remote in the other, and stand when it’s third and long, but ONLY when it’s third and long.
Just like a team needs to have the right players performing the right duties to win, the right number of fans need to perform the right number of duties for their team to win. One fan could throw off everything.
My dad and I believe we have found our calling. Playing golf during the Eagles’ games will will them to a 15-1 regular season record and a Super Bowl championship. (We may have to amend the rules for Sunday/Monday night games. Mini-golf could be an option to look into…)
We’ll see if this works for the whole season. If it does, I believe I deserve a Super Bowl ring.
