Running Blog: Cleveland vs. Orlando Game 3

By Corey Janoff | May 25 2009

I’ve decided to take a page out of Bill Simmons’ handbook and keep a running blog for game three of Cleveland vs. Orlando in the Eastern Conference Finals.  Orlando heads home with the series tied at 1-1 and Cleveland is looking to win back home court advantage.  If this game is remotely as exciting as the previous two, we should be in for an entertaining evening.

5:01 PT

The pregame show on TNT starts out with a montage of LeBron’s game winning shot from game 2.  The shot was incredible, but it was in game 2.  It’s not like Jordan’s final shot in Game 6 of the 1998 NBA finals that won the series.  Regardless, I expect them to discuss LeBron’s awesomeness throughout the pregame show and Charles Barkley to make at least one comment about how he used to look like Dwight Howard shirtless.

5:15 PT

Rashard Lewis’s interview with John Thompson was really good.  I never knew his daughter was really sick and that his brother was recently diagnosed with cancer this year.  That would be a tough load to stomach.  Props to him for still ballin’ at a high level.  He is one of the most talented and versatile players in the NBA, yet he’s been overlooked/underrated his whole career.  Even when he was in Seattle he was an incredible player.  Unfortunately he has never played in large media markets so he doesn’t get the publicity.

5:23 PT

From midcourt, LeBron took the ball with one hand and tossed it underhand into the hoop.  Wow.

5:31 PT

Craig Sager’s pink suit is probably more ridiculous than Delonte West’s tattoos and speaking ability.  My lord does Delonte sound stupid.  My buddy I’m watching the game with, who grew up in Philly, told me a story about how Delonte handed a paper in at St. Joe’s for his Spanish class, and the professor took him aside and said, “Delonte, this is a really good paper…if this was a French class.”

5:38 PT

LeBron chalks it up to boos in front of the Orlando fans.

Dwight Howard wins the tip.  I wonder what the odds are of a team winning if they win the opening tip.  I’m surprised nobody has ever studied this.

5:40 PT

Orlando jumps out to an early lead when Dwight Howard makes his first free throw of the game.  If he sinks free throws this could be a long evening for Cleveland.  He misses the second.  Go figure.

5:47 PT

My buddy finishes grilling hot dogs so now I can satiate myself and enjoy this game.  Nathan’s Famous, baby.  They go coast to coast.  I’ll try not to get mustard on my computer.

7:47 to go in the first quarter

Ben Wallace throws down.  I miss his fro.  He is pretty much useless without it.

2:50 in the 1st

After a steal by Courtney Lee, LeBron chases him down and swats his layup off the glass.  There’s another Sportscenter highlight for King James.  I wish I could be as athletic as him just for a day.  I would jump over so many things; people, cars, small houses.  I could probably make a lot of money performing at Venice Beach.

:23 in the 1st

LeBron just got stuffed by Marcin Gortat on national television.  That’s gotta be embarrassing.

End of the 1st

Orlando is up 24-17.  Home court advantage is huge in this series in the first quarter.  Cleveland needs to stop turning the ball over.  Orlando should be up by more.

I’m contemplating eating a third hot dog.  Maybe I’ll wait til halftime.  These baked beans are holding me over. We also have Cheetos Puffs.  I should change out of my white shorts before I start eating those.  We’re also drinking Arnold Palmer.  Arizona Iced Tea sells it in bottles up to a gallon in size.  This stuff is incredible.  We have cleaned out the Ralph’s up the street.  They need to put in another stocking order.

10:40 in the 2nd

Joe Smith hits his first shot of the game.  Talk about a bust.  Former number 1 pick has basically been irrelevant his entire career.

7:27 in the 2nd

Dwight Howard gets his third foul of the game.  That sucks for Orlando.  They have to rely on Marcin Gortat now.  He might have the worst name in the league.  I feel bad for him.  That’s a lie, no I don’t.

5:44 in the 2nd

Mo Williams goes for a steal and gets elbowed in the face and blood starts gushing out.  After the commercial break, they gave Anthony Johnson a flagarant 2 foul. I don’t know about that…He gets ejected on an offensive foul.  Ok, they downgraded it to a flagarant 1.  I don’t even know if it was a flagarant foul.  They claim he threw his elbow into Mo’s face.  Wow, look at Mo’s face - his left eye is gonna be swollen shut tomorrow.

Halftime

Orlando has a one point lead at halftime.  This could go one of two ways.  Either it could be like the first two games and Cleveland sucks in the second half, in which Orlando will blow them out this game.  Or, it could be a close game to the finish and live up to all the hype.  LeBron or Hedo will hit another game winner at the last second.

There could be a third scenario where Cleveland runs away with this, but that’s too many scenario’s to think about so we’ll just rule that one out for now.

Anyways, I’ve got a free minute so I’m going to throw some clothes in the laundry.  I’m out of clean boxers right now…

10:50 in the 3rd

It’s amazing the material that the announcers come up with to talk about during the dead moments.  Marv and Doug just told a story about how Hedo Turkoglu doesn’t get much sleep at home because of his baby daughter.  Cool…?

Speaking of material that announcers talk about… Where do the interns find some of the facts and material?  “Kobe averages 27 points on the road in game 3’s played on Thursday’s in arenas seating over 18,000 fans.”  Basketball is starting to creep into baseball territory with some of the stats.  I don’t like it.

8:45 in the 3rd

Dwight Howard makes a hook shot.  The shot itself is irrelevant, but if he can develop an offensive game, he will be unstoppable.  His D, rebounding, and shot blocking are there, but he is lacking in offense.  If he can get some post moves in his repertoire and be a consistent offensive threat, watch out.  He should hire Hakeem or David Robinson as his post coach.

Commercial Break

Who is that old guy with the walker in that T-Mobile commercial where Charles, Dr. J and Magic are making the Old School video game?  Is he an old player or is it just some actor?

7:30 in the 3rd

Courtney Lee just dunked on LeBron.  LeBron has had some embarrassing moments this game.  Courtney Lee on the other hand is going to be a stud in the NBA.  He was a solid pick by Orlando.  I really like his game.

5:50 in the 3rd

Ben Wallace comes back in for Anderson Varejao who just committed a stupid foul (his 4th) after turning the ball over.  What the hell did Ben Wallace do to his chin hair?  He twisted it into a rat tail.  Ben, wtf?  Get the afro back.

5:04 in the 3rd

LeBron just got airborne on that lob!  Holy crap!  I think his head would’ve hit the rim if he didn’t duck!

1:50 in the 3rd

LeBron draws so much attention that Ben Wallace becomes an offensive threat.  The entire team sagged in to help on LeBron and he found Wallace wide open under the basket for the slam.

:48 in the 3rd

Mickael Pietrus and 1 after the steal and Delonte West foul.  He’s been playing great in the playoffs.  French Phenom.  I want to hear Craig Sager interview him to hear his French accent.

Quarter Break

Orlando has a five point lead and Dwight Howard has as many points as minutes played due to foul trouble.  This looks like it’s going down to the wire.  We’re probably in for another exciting finish.  If it comes down to it, who’s going to take the last shot?

8:19 in the 4th

Cleveland looks like they are melting down.  I may have to rescind my earlier prediction.  Orlando is up nine and Cleveland had to take a timeout to regroup.  Mo Williams looks like he’s going to cry.

6:03 in the 4th

This game sucks.  It has been pretty bad.  The game has been close (5 point game at the moment), but both teams have sucked.  Missed shots, turnovers, foul trouble.  I am pretty disappointed in the performance by both squads.

5:30 in the 4th - Commercial Break

I hate that G2 commercial with Kevin Garnet and the fat swimmer guy.  The whole point of Gatorade is to replenish lost electrolytes and calories that you burned during intense exercise.  If you make a diet version, you are defeating the purpose of Gatorade.  G2 should be for people who don’t work out at all and just like the flavor.  Consumers are stupid.  These commercials are a bunch of capitalist propaganda.

5:19 in the 4th

Zydrunas Ilgauskus catches the ball about 17 feet from the hoop, and without any dribbles, runs to the hoop and draws the foul.  I’m not saying he traveled, but he’s lucky there was a foul call.  No, of course the refs don’t want Cleveland to win the series…

5:00 in the 4th

LeBron fouls Dwight Howard.  Who would win if Dwight and LeBron got in a fight?  Let’s think about the evolutionary specimens we are witnessing here.  If technology were absent from our culture, these two human beings would probably rule the world.  If humans didn’t have computers and guns, Dwight Howard and LeBron James (and most NFL players) would dominate our entire species.  They are the next step in our evolutionary chain.  If we were forced to be hunters and gatherers, these individuals would be the only ones to reproduce, because they would get to bone all the girls and everyone in society would look like them.

2:43 in the 4th

Anderson Varejao fouls Dwight Howard and fouls out.  Varejao has played awful this game.  I think he has more fouls than points.

On a side note, I found the new Kobe/LeBron puppet commercial:

1:08 in the 4th

Big Z fouls out.  Cleveland tried to mount a comeback, but couldn’t.  Too many turnovers and missed shots.  It looks like Orlando is going to take a 2-1 lead in the series.

:36 in the 4th

LeBron pulls up for a three and Dwight blocked his shot from behind and the refs called a foul.  That was his sixth foul.  He clearly got all ball.  That was definitely an anticipation whistle.  The refs anticipated a foul, so they blew the whistle.  If that wasn’t LeBron, he probably wouldn’t have gotten that call.  I’m telling you, the NBA wants LeBron and Kobe in the finals…

:33 seconds in the 4th

Marv Albert just said this is LeBron’s seventh 40 point playoff game.  That’s pretty incredible.  Just last night, Kobe scored 40 in the playoffs for the ninth time in his career.  His career has been twice as long as LeBron’s.

Game Over

Orlando wins 99-89.  That game was prety bad.  Even Tiger Woods look disappointed sitting courtside and his team won.

Now I’m gonna go finish my laundry and try and become a YouTube sensation.  Peace.

What are your thoughts on the game?  Do you think Corey will become a YouTube sensation?  Have your say in the comments section below!